hormonal rants

WHY IS IT THAT I CAN’T EVER FIND AMPLE TIME TO DO THINGS?!

SO MANY THINGS ARE DEMANDED OF ME, EXCESSIVELY DEMANDED OF ME, IRRATIONALLY DEMANDED OF ME, AND I CAN’T SEEM TO BE ABLE TO FULFILL THESE DEMANDS! WHERE DO MY RESPONSIBILITIES COME FROM, ANY WAYS? EXTERNALLY? INTRINSICALLY? ARE THEY IMPOSED BY OTHERS, OR DID I BLINDLY SET UP A TRAP FOR MYSELF, NARCISSISTICALLY THINKING WAY TOO HIGHLY OF MY PERSONAL QUALITIES, NAIVELY BELIEVING THAT I CAN MANAGE BEING STUDENT, STEP-MOM, DAUGHTER, PSEUDO-WIFE? 

AND WHAT TO DO WHEN THE OTHER DOESN’T SEEM TO BE DOING ANYTHING TO LIGHTEN UP MY DAILY TASKS? AND WHAT AN EMOTIONAL ROLLER-COASTER ADVENTURE-RIDE I SEEM TO BE GOING THROUGH NOW! 

I JUST FEEL SO IRASCIBLE, SO IRRATIONALLY IRASCIBLE, AND EVERY TINY LITTLE MINISCULE THING AROUND ME IS SO ANNOYINGLY IN MY WAY MAKING ME FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE. FROM THE AWKWARD FLIP OF MY PONYTAIL, TO THE STRANGE TIGHTNESS OF JEANS; FROM A STRAND OF FALLEN HAIR IN THE KITCHEN SINK (WHICH IS ESSENTIALLY MY OWN) TO A MISPLACED SOCCER BALL AND BACKPACK RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WALKWAY. EVERY THING IS JUST A REMINDER OF HOW CHAOTIC, HOW UNNEAT, HOW MESSY, UNORGANISED, UNCATEGORISED, UNTAMED AND UNCUT THIS CRAZY WORLD REALLY IS. FORCED TO SCREAM IN MY HEAD, CAN’T ANYONE GIVE ME MORE TIME? WHILE KNOWING DEEP IN MY HEART THAT THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE!

GRRR!