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Angela’s learning committee

This morning Mr. Worm had a meeting with the learning committee (including teacher, principal, counselor, school nurse, child developer, and child psychologist) at the kids’ school, in lieu of concerns for Angela’s progress/regress in reading and conversational English. Her teacher, Ms. L, was highly concerned about whether Angela would be able to catch up quickly enough pass the end of the year tests and move on the the first grade, particularly because she had already missed 25% of the school year thus far.* Instead of progressing with her other classmates, she is in fact regressing. Ms. L also brought up the concerns with the family situation, forcing Mr. Worm to share with the committee the separation/divorce situation with HTL (I must admit that I silently snickered when I saw him fumbling for words, only because I’ve always had a problem with Mr. Worm not being able to come to concrete terms with anyone around him – not even with the kids – with due honesty and realisticality about the situation. So forcing him to say it out loud to strangers was for me a kind of justice done.), saying that Angela is very solemn and sad that mommy isn’t here anymore, thus adding a psychological and mental element to her regress. And particularly because Angela is a very shy and quiet girl (at least, outside of home) and doesn’t speak much, it becomes all the more difficult for Ms. L to assess her English conversational abilities. Ms. L then shared with us that she is thinking about retention, which is not a bad idea, especially since Angela is a July baby, so she can go either way.** But Joanne, the principal (a lovely and pleasant lady) was a bit hesitant, noting that Angela is in fact a very bright girl, about retention until later in the year. So in the end, they decided to convene again before the end of the school year and see how she does before making any decisions. 

Personally, while I think all of Ms. L’s concerns and comments are valid, I do believe that she dramatises the situation a bit. I don’t think that Angela is solemn at all, though I know for a fact that of course she misses her mother. At that age, who wouldn’t? But I think that by now, both she and her brother are adjusting well.*** As far as regression in academics, I would have to say that I agree. She even has problems writing out the full alphabet by herself in lower and upper case, something that she should be familiar with, especially now that they are working with spelling and frequently used words like “the”, “them”, “all”, et cetera. Conversationally though, I think the point that she is at right now is normal, in terms of faulty grammar. I myself was an English as a Second Language student, and had to take extra classes in kindergarten and first grade to build my English skills. I think that with a little extra practice at home, and given that Mr. Worm doesn’t decide to pull off another one of his long-ass vacations again (which don’t do a whole lot of production anyway), Angela should be good to go on to the first grade next year. 

The awkwardness: At the start of the meeting, we did all the introductions, Mr. Worm as dad, and me as “Aunt.” In the middle of the conversation, the psychologist asked me, And what role do you play in all this? I was dumbfounded at first, but Joanne came and saved the day and said, You just play mom for a while, while the situation is like this, right? I nodded. I must say I hate these situations. AWKWARD! And it always puts me in a glum mood for the rest of the day. :(

 

NOTES

*This was because Mr. Worm had to return to Taiwan two times since September this school year for a total of about a month and a half, for “business”, and took the kids with him. I have to say that when he booked the tickets, I was against keeping the return flights as “open”, not only because that would not guarantee that the kids would come back in time for school, but also because I knew that since they would be in a different country, they would not be able to practice their English. Even when I packed up Angela’s homework in her luggage, I found out, much to my dismay, that nobody – not even her mother – thought of taking out the practice sheets for her while she was in Taiwan. And because kindergarten is a critical stage in building a strong foundation, lacking everyday practice for such a long period of time really does no good to her English skills. 

** In fact, Alex, who is an August baby, was also retained for a year, so now he is practically at the top of his class. His reading skills, I must say, are exceptional. 

***One very annoying thing is that up until now, both Mr. Worm and HTL have failed to talk to their kids about the separation. It is annoying because of two points: One, because I am in an awkward decision, and most of all two, because the kids will come and ask me why mommy won’t be coming back. And every time I bring this up to Mr. Worm and try to persuade him to talk to the kids, he will say, “Okay” without actually doing it, saying afterwards that he tried, but they just run off to do other things. To which I roll my eyes and say, you don’t just let them run off, you have to sit them down and talk to them about it. It might not be finalised, but I definitely think that they should know the basics. Alex is definitely old enough to know. In fact, he probably figured out most of it already! Nevertheless, it is still important that the parents take time to explain these things to them.

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January 15, 2009 obliviousjjl 1 comment

My mother has warned me that being a stepmother isn’t easy.

I’ve always thought that I knew what I was getting myself into.

What a bold and naive thought!

Since last night, Angela and Alex have been yearning for their mother. Tonight, I can see that it is progressing further. Usually, I’m the one that sleeps with them–I suspect the reason being that the kids are used to falling asleep next to their mother. Their only other choice than me being their dad, I think they’ve decided that I most closely resemble the mother figure. For the past two months or so, they seem to be doing fine with me as the “replacement”. I am quite hesitant of using that term. My step-mom philosophy is that I am not so much a mom replacement but more of a senior friend.
But as Mr. Worm says, technically, I am the replacement, whether I like to put it that way or not. I’m not sure how much I like that idea, neither am I sure how well my psyche is handling the lived truth of the matter.
Who am I kidding? I feel torn! On the one hand, I enjoy being the mother figure of the household: I enjoy dressing, feeding, showering the kids and putting them to sleep. I enjoy cleaning up the house and making sure everything is sanitised and safe for them to play in. And I feel rewarded when they run up to me at various times throughout the day giving me a big hug, asking for attention, and, ostensibly, seem to be attached to me. It really is as if I am the mom replacement, or better, I am their mom and they are my kids! And yet at the same time, I constantly remind myself that no matter how much they like me, no matter how much I like them and no matter how hard I try, the truth remains that I am not their mother and they are not my children.

And what better way to remind me of this unchangeable fact than the times when the children call out for their mother throughout the night, whining that they want mommy and they miss mommy. I have no hard feelings. I, myself, am also extremely attached to my mother, very possibly so much more than Alex and Angela are attached to theirs. I slept with my mom for the first thirteen years into my life. Naturally then, I can empathise when they miss theirs. I know that if it was me, there would be no way that anyone could take me away from my mother. It would be physically impossible! I simply wouldn’t allow it.

So tonight, I called for Mr. Worm to sleep with them. I figure that at times like these, dad is the best choice at making everything better.

Can I even begin to explain how horrible I feel inside?

Is it guilt? Remorseful because somehow I am (in)directly responsible for taking their mother away from them? Or sadness? Maybe even jealousy? Jealous because I can’t have my own children, and knowing that no matter how hard I try I cannot change the fact that they are not my children and never will be? Jealous because I have always wanted my own, could have had my own, but unfortunately chose to blow the opportunity away?

Then I ask myself: At this point in the game, what do I do? What’s my next move? Should I give up and call it game over? How can I bear to watch the kids call out for their mother? While they still talk to her on the phone and go visit her quite often in Taiwan (so far it’s been a few weeks every 2 months), of course they still miss her. I know how I would feel if I was their age in the same situation.
I suppose I ought to try to comfort myself by saying that they are still in transition. True, they have grown accustomed to me. But after all, they have only been with me for no more than three months, while they have known their mother for years. So they still need time to get used to the situation.

I don’t know what to do.

I know I am also in transition. For the most part, I’m dealing with it rather well. But when it comes to the kids it’s my weak spot.

I feel almost stunned.

小孩真可愛!

December 22, 2008 obliviousjjl Leave a comment

有趣事故之一:

在看綜藝節目時,看到有一位女藝人穿著一件粉紅的露肩上衣。
這時,妹妹就說她很喜歡女藝人的服裝。
之後,帶了她去洗澡,她也選了一件粉紅的上衣。
回到客廳繼續看電視時,就看到妹妹也把她那件上衣的袖子拉下來,就跟女藝人一樣。
我問,
「妹,你衣服怎麼這樣穿阿,這樣不會拉懷掉嗎?」
她轉頭看了我一眼,然後非常的自然的回,
「妹覺得這樣很好看,阿姨你看」﹣就轉身的說 ﹣「這樣看到背後妹覺得很漂亮。
傻眼。
她。。。。真的只有五歲大的小女生嗎?
有趣事故之二:

在百貨商店裡,經過了賣女性內衣的地方,看到了一個 model 娃娃穿著最新出的丁字褲。
哥哥回頭問說,
「為什麼他們都那麼喜歡穿那種內褲阿?這樣卡著屁屁不會很不舒服嗎?」
Categories: Cuteness, Our Home, Parenting

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